Moo-ha Blog

i was watching "The Firm" last night starring tom cruise and
there were these 2 bad guys (one albino dude, one fat dude) that were
like the firm’s henchmen.  so i was wondering…what the hell do the
"bad guys" do during their spare-time?  i mean…do they hang out with
other bad guys when they’re not killing people?  do they have
families?  friends?  or do they go out drinking with other bad guys and
talk about the people they’ve killed this week? "oh, man…what a rough
day.  i had to kill these 3 lawyers today and like one of them spilled
their guts all over my favorite shirt."  im sure bad guys aren’t just
drones whose sole purpose in life is to kill people…there’s gotta be
more!

and what about chics?  "damn, i saw this really hot chic
today but i had to kill her!  boo hoo."  ya, so we know the good guys
always get the chics but the bad guys need love too dont they? 

a
very wise co-worker once told me: "in ur 20’s, u have the face u were
given.  in ur 30’s, u have the face u deserve…"  i thought about it
for a while and i never quite got it…until recently.  i started
noticing more and more how some people look really old in their 30’s
and some still look pretty young.  maybe it’s the food? exercise?  or
maybe its just not getting piss-drunk every weekend and smoking 3 packs
of cigs a day.  anyways, there was this one girl who looked ok but
older and i saw some pics of her in her 20’s and i thought: "DAYUM, what
happened to YOU!?!?"… 

then i realized i actually said it out loud.
oh well…guess i won’t be talkin’ to her for a while…

u know, i’m all for giving money to the less fortunate but
if u see some of the crap i’ve seen, u might think twice.  so i work in
old town and boy are there lots of
peddlers asking u for cash.  if u walk down one of the street corners
(four-way crosswalk), u’ll see this really sad beggar who looks
crippled, can barely speak right, and is sitting awkwardly like he’s
fallin’ and can’t get up.  in fact, the only thing he has strength to
say is "a ‘lil help please…" when u walk by.  so
one day, im walking to lunch and all of a sudden, i see this guy who
looks like that beggar walking really fast…like almost running to a
nearby restaurant.  i take a closer look and it’s HIM! wtf??
isn’t he suppose to be crippled??  and i even heard him
talking to someone with no slur and was not even
retarded-sounding…jacked man!

hmm, well this other time, i saw another peddler dressed in rags
holding up
a sign and asking for help.  he looked pretty messed up and i
kinda felt bad for him.  so as im walking towards him, i see this
new BMW 5-series car pull
up next to him and a pretty hot lady was driving.  i was
thinkin maybe she’s giving him some cash.  boy was i
wrong.  he takes off his rags, walks into the car, and they drive
off!! wtf?? uhh….maybe im in the wrong profession!?  man, he must make a pretty good living for himself being a beggar!

now im not saying u shouldn’t give…but definitely give it to the
people who really need it.  like for example, if u see me beggin’
for money on the streets, u better give me some dough cuz i need to go
back to commerce casino and win back my money…

p.s. a co-worker informed me that a nice street corner yields $300 per day…sheesh!  time for a career change…

Ever had one of those really life-altering events in your life where
the very fabric of your existence changes?  Well, it happened for
me at a club.  No, I didn’t pick up any hot chics or had a
one-night fling like most of you would expect me to…you know…being mr studmuffin’ and all…ahem…but yeah…anyways.

So i went to this club in hollywood with my friends (real identities
hidden for their own protection) reena, a.c., kenshin and a few other
friends.  so at first, i was thinking…man, this 80’s stuff is
hard to dance to but i’ll bust out my moves anyways.  sure enough,
after a couple of non-diet cokes, i was the life of the party.
anyways, as the night wore on, i noticed a couple guys looking at me
strangely.  i was thinking…hmm…they must be wishing they were
me…i’ve got two hot girls dancing next to me.  boo-ya.  ok,
so i kept groovin’ on w/ reena and a.c. and the next thing i knew,
BAM!  i felt this SHARP grasping pain on my butt! 

my first thought was …damn, reena sure is getting frisky!
before i could react, i felt another sharp pain on my other
buttcheek…OW!  hmm…is reena and a.c. tag-teaming me??  i
looked for reena and a.c. and they were in front of me…how could
their hands reach that far?  then i turned my head and
there were these two guys smiling and winking at me.  UGH!
it can’t be! was i just eagle-clawed by a couple of gay dudes???

as the night wore on, these two dudes kept following me around…one of
them really scared me…the biker dude w/ two braided pigtails and
a beard…he’s big and tall and..im sure he likes it
rough.  i stayed close to my friends the whole night and stayed
off the dance floor.  whew.

so thanks reena and a.c. for laughing at me the whole night and kenshin
for makin’ me describe (multiple times) the eagle claw experience in detail, how it felt and
whether or not i liked it…you guys are true friends…

a long
time ago (when i first started working) i used to be one of those
annoying people who always says "good enough" is NEVER good enough.
today, my co-worker bryan was testing out some program i wrote and
goes: "ahhh, it sorta works.
its good enough…" and so i said "ya, good enough is *always* good
enough".  my other co-worker sam looks at me and shakes his head: "no
ken, good enough is
BETTER than good enough…"

when u go to commerce casino to play poker, u need to fit in or else
the other players will eat u alive.  that’s why u gotta know the
lingo…to blend in and stuff.  so here are some tips next time u
go to commerce…

* you chicken??? - hmm…is the dealer calling me a chicken?!?  no
actually, she just wants to know if you’re "checking" it.

* flushie flushie? - no no, not the toilet.  they just wanna know if u have a "flush" in ur hand.

* chop chop? - ya, sounds like they’re trying to rush u but they’re actually asking u if u wanna split the pot.

* raisins! - ok, what’s with all the food lingo.  i’m getting
hungry here.  anyways, when they say that, they’re actually trying
to "raise it" or do a raise.

* fakin’ dealah - well, that one’s pretty self explanatory.  i
guess when u’ve been "rivered" one too many times, u start taking it
out on the dealers…

* japa! japa!! - don’t worry, the japanese aren’t invading.  they just want to win the jackpot…

* when someone wins a big pot, it’s always polite to congratulate them
and say they got a "nie hang! nie hang!" (nice hand, nice hand…)

ya, so next time someone tells u "you chicken?!?!"…just say "no, i’m raisins!!!"

Kaza No Kizu

my co-worker and i were pretty bored at work so we started talking about Inuyasha.

—
segomon: it sure would be nice to see naraku die
mojo: yeah, it’d be worth it, even if they never make the movie version of it
segomon: yes that’s true.  he’s been around for 167 episodes + 4 movies
segomon: its about time he dies
mojo:
O         (Kaza No Kizu!!!)    
\|—                     

/ \               
segomon: LOL
segomon: that’s a pretty good ascii art
segomon: tho u need to give him some hair
segomon: he’s not bald
mojo:
~O         (Kaza No Kizu!!!)    
\|—                     

  / \       
segomon: LOL!!!

so i was watching (and re-watching) some movies this weekend and i
realized how sad it is that normal dudes can’t get the chics.
take spider-man for example.  sure, harry osborne’s got billions
of dollars from his dead daddy (the green goblin) and he can probably
buy mary jane any LV bag she wanted.  but spider-man can climb walls
and shoot spiderwebs out of his wrists!  how do u compete against
that??  man, life sucks huh.  just when u think u’ve found the girl of ur
dreams, the class nerd peter parker gets bitten by a spider and turns
into a super-stud overnight.  just your luck.  or how bout superman.  like ur gonna pass up on a
dude that can shoot laser-beams out of his eyes or leap tall
buildings in a single bound?

ok fine.  so comic books are old and talk about stuff in the
past.  ya, i know…like we can’t live in the past right?  so
let’s look ahead…let’s say…200 yrs in the future.  well…uh
gee…does "Neo" ring a bell?  ya, u know who i’m talking
about.  so cipher’s got the hots for trinity and was probably
wearing her down for a date when all of a sudden, "NEO" pops out of the
matrix!  poof, in a matter of days, all of cipher’s hard work goes
down the tubes cuz she’s in love with "THE ONE".
like…hello??  he’s THE ONE.  ya…u know…THE ONE!!

poor cipher…now i know why he switched sides.  if i were him,
i’d be pretty pissed at morpheus too for messin’ things up.
dream girl snatched away by THE ONE, the world’s taken over by evil
robots and eating slush everyday all cuz he took the
wrong pill…yea,
sucks to be him…