Superheroes Suck
so i was watching (and re-watching) some movies this weekend and i
realized how sad it is that normal dudes can’t get the chics.
take spider-man for example. sure, harry osborne’s got billions
of dollars from his dead daddy (the green goblin) and he can probably
buy mary jane any LV bag she wanted. but spider-man can climb walls
and shoot spiderwebs out of his wrists! how do u compete against
that?? man, life sucks huh. just when u think u’ve found the girl of ur
dreams, the class nerd peter parker gets bitten by a spider and turns
into a super-stud overnight. just your luck. or how bout superman. like ur gonna pass up on a
dude that can shoot laser-beams out of his eyes or leap tall
buildings in a single bound?
ok fine. so comic books are old and talk about stuff in the
past. ya, i know…like we can’t live in the past right? so
let’s look ahead…let’s say…200 yrs in the future. well…uh
gee…does "Neo" ring a bell? ya, u know who i’m talking
about. so cipher’s got the hots for trinity and was probably
wearing her down for a date when all of a sudden, "NEO" pops out of the
matrix! poof, in a matter of days, all of cipher’s hard work goes
down the tubes cuz she’s in love with "THE ONE".
like…hello?? he’s THE ONE. ya…u know…THE ONE!!
poor cipher…now i know why he switched sides. if i were him,
i’d be pretty pissed at morpheus too for messin’ things up.
dream girl snatched away by THE ONE, the world’s taken over by evil
robots and eating slush everyday all cuz he took the
wrong pill…yea,
sucks to be him…
January 17th, 2006 at 3:43 pm
Yeah, but you know what, after a while you realize you can’t finish a date without having Spiderman run off to hurt some bad guy or Neo get attacked by the Matrix. And they’re all “boo hoo, I’m sooo tragic” all the time. It gets old. It’s the male correlate to hot chicks. For every hot chick, there is a guy left her because he was sick of her issues.
Cipher was bitter and freaky, and Harry Osborne would be hot if he weren’t also… bitter and freaky. Tank was very datable but he died. The good guys and minorities always die.
Wish you could be here in Chicago! There is a statistics TA who is young, Taiwanese, and cute!
January 17th, 2006 at 3:44 pm
Although… If you go back to the saying… Hmm
January 21st, 2006 at 3:10 am
lol, nice analysis jean.