Moo-ha Blog

alright…i’m not saying you shouldn’t date anyone from the internet
but my experiences have definitely been traumatic.  actually, i
can’t really say i even dated this person cuz i never physically saw
her…well…i did and didn’t.  ok, hear me out…

so a few years back, my good buddy…let’s call him eric lo to protect his
identity…and i decided we were bored and started scouting Yahoo!
personals for hot internet girls.  we put in our search criterias
(asian, must like all the nerdy stuff we like, video games, local to us, and
be really hot)…and sure enough, a few profiles actually came
up!  we saw a picture of this one profile and our jaws dropped
when we saw that, not only was she hot, but she liked WARCRAFT and
COUNTERSTRIKE…OMG!  it was a dream come true…we were almost in
tears.  so eric and i wrote a joint introduction of our geekiness
and how we love warcraft and games and that we’re not actually gay even
though we wrote this message together (signed me and eric). 

so the next day…to our immense surprise, this girl, let’s call her
khloe…wrote us back!  we’re like WOW…she thinks we’re
cool!  it was a match made in heaven.  eric and i had a fist
fight (flipped a coin)  to figure who gets her…but i won and he went
home crying. 

anyways, khloe and i would write each other almost everyday for about a month
until one day, she tells me that she wants me to meet her little "dong
seng" (dong seng means sister in korean…it wasn’t really her
sister…just a very good friend who she says she treats like a little
sister.)  i said sure…and we had a nice 3-way chat on yahoo msgr…me, khloe
and her dong seng…let’s call her mandy.  so one day, i gathered
up the courage to ask khloe to meet in person…she said sure…and
invited mandy to come along.  as luck would have it, khloe
couldn’t make it…but mandy shows up.  she was this cute 18 yr
old korean girl…exactly as khloe described.  i was pretty bummed
that khloe didn’t show though but i had a nice time with mandy. 

so as time went on, i started chatting less and less with khloe and
more and more with mandy.  it seems khloe’s always pre-occupied
with something and mandy’s always available.  but mandy had a bf
already so i obviously wasn’t interested in her (plus she’s far too
young) and i wasn’t about to give up on a girl like khloe who loved
warcraft and counterstrike.

so 3 months go by…i’m getting pretty impatient…i’ve met mandy
several times but khloe always bails on me.  i buy her little
gifts (i give them to mandy to give to khloe)…write her
everyday…but can’t seem to get her to come out even once.  so i
start getting suspicious…could mandy and khloe be the SAME
person? hmm….but how is that possible?  i’ve
been on 3-way chat with them…i’ve heard mandy talk to khloe on the
phone…khloe even has a last name (taka) and she works at jd powers & associates! dude, it can’t be…it
just CAN’T!

so the next time i went out with mandy, i kinda hinted at my suspicions
that she and khloe are one and the same.  we went to dinner and
she puts on a sad face and says "i have something to tell you about why
khloe can’t come out with us…" and i was bracing myself for the
truth.  did she get in a car accident?  is she maimed?
is she a man??  of course, mandy recoils and just says
nevermind.  damn!!

so finally, i couldn’t take it anymore.  i needed to know…does
khloe exist or not.  so i called eric to help me think of some
ways
to find out.  he suggested calling up jd powers in westlake
village (where she supposedly works) and ask for khloe taka.
DUH!  why didnt i think of that earlier?? so i called but there
was nobody there by that name.
i asked the receptionist to make sure and she says "look…i’ve been
here 20 yrs and there’s no khloe taka here!"

anyways…to make a long story short…one day, khloe *cough mandy* writes me
and says she’s going back to korea and will disappear from the face of
this earth.  (gee, what a surprise)  i stopped hanging out with mandy who was
trying to use me to get her bf jealous (he broke up with her later anyways…good for him)…and i realized that hot girls
who like warcraft and counterstrike do not exist in this world (and most importantly…dam that eric for losing the coin toss!)

so
my co-workers and i go out to lunch every day and there’s always some
chic or dude waving a flyer and asking us if we wanna save the whales
or telling us how george bush sucks.  i usually ignore them and it
doesn’t bother me or anything.  but today, i was walking down the
street to starbucks w/ my co-worker rad when all of a sudden, this tall
white dude waves some flyer at us and goes "would u like a dirty
dick?"  … wtf! i didn’t know how to tell him…but im pretty sure that 9 out of 10 people who walk by will not want a dirty dick.

but then as we’re walking away, he goes "…dirty dick cheney…" 

argh! if we walked away w/o hearing that last part, i woulda thot he’s passing out gay porn or something…*sigh*

i hate it when people mispronounce my last name.  dude it’s YEH,
not YAY, YEE, YAH or YEAH.  one time i had to interview a candidate and
a guy in our recruiting dept put my name down as KEN YEAH.  so for a
week, everyone on the interview schedule who saw that mistake came over
to congratulate me.  YEAH! GO KEN! YEAH!  grrr….

anyways, so i
have another friend who gets his name messed up a lot too.  his name is
michael hecht.  every time he’s late to a party or we can’t find him,
we go "hey, where the HECK is michael HECK?!" 

but u see…that’s ok.  cuz when he and i are together, we combine forces to become HECK YEAH!  muahaha….

so i
was talking to some friends of mine i used to MUD with this weekend.
MUDs (multi-user dungeons) were kinda like World of Warcraft but
without any fancy graphics.  anyways, it was cool chatting about the
good ole days where we used to waste our time mudding.  while we were
talking, it triggered my memory of the lamest MUD-death i’ve ever
witnessed.  it went something like this:

Sangoku: 54 hp> goblin lord points at you and laughs, "you will die!"
Sangoku: 54 hp> goblin lord slashes sangoku hard with his sword!
Sangoku: 1 hp> sangoku deals a killing blow to goblin lord!
Sangoku: 1 hp> goblin lord is DEAD! R.I.P.!

Sangoku: 1 hp> sangoku: ‘OMG!! i survived! hahahaha!! 1 hp!!!’
Sangoku: 1 hp> sangoku: ‘HAHAHAHA! I RULE!!!’
Sangoku: 1 hp> sangoku gets a orcish bracelet from the corpse of a goblin lord.
Sangoku: 1 hp> sangoku: cool, i’m gonna try on this new bracelet.
Sangoku: 1 hp> sangoku removes his elven bracelet.
* (the elven bracelet has a +5 hp bonus)
Sangoku: -4 hp> sangoku is incapacitated and will die slowly if not aided!
Sangoku: -6 hp> sangoku is mortally wounded and will die slowly if not aided!
Sangoku is DEAD! R.I.P.!

hmm…i guess the goblin got the last laugh after all…

i
was talking to a high school friend i hadn’t seen in like 10 yrs the
other day.  man, high school seems so long ago.  we were just talking
bout old times…he speaks engurish (broken english) so it was a little
hard to understand at times but it’s all good.

anyways, i
couldn’t remember much about how i became friends with this guy or what
we did in school.  but the one thing i did remember was when we were
ditching class one day our senior year.  we were walking in the school
parking lot getting ready to hit the arcades when we saw these other
two girls also ditching.  so my friend points at the girls and goes
"YOU DITCH!! HAHAHA!" and starts laughing like nuts.   the girls looked
completely shocked and were speechless.  ya, we made an impression
alright…we were cool cuz we ditched class — rebels as u might call
us.  as we walked away, i heard one girl whisper to the other "oh my
god…did that guy just call me a bitch???"

so we
were all goofing off and chatting at work today cuz it’s getting close
to crunch-time (u know, like when things are due and stuff).  sam was
telling us what movie we should rent this weekend. 

sam: "man, u guys need to watch hellboy.  now, that’s fine cinema!"
scotty: "psssh!…u call that fine cinema? no no, "clown house"!  now *THAT* is fine cinema.

hmm…ok, so i wouldn’t exactly call hellboy fine cinema…but clown house? 

Tagline: …A circus of the mind.

Plot Outline: Just before Halloween, three young
brothers alone in a big house are menaced by three escaped mental
patients who have murdered some traveling circus clowns and taken their
identities.

man…if this project doesn’t finish soon, i think we might have our own little "clown house" at work…

another stressful day at work.  was talking to my co-worker ofaelin….

segomon: did u read my blog?
segomon: chairman…meeeooooww….
ofaelin: mousie dung
segomon: lol

so
today was a pretty stressful day at work and things just weren’t going
right.  so i finally couldn’t take it anymore: "argh!! why’s the server
so slow?  i can’t do any work!"  scotty turns and looks at me calmly:
"…when i get a cat, i’m going to name him…Chairman Meeeeooww…"

yes, we’ve all lost it…

so my friend jonny and i were driving to a club this weekend called the
d-club and we’re just talking bout how to make a good impression on the
ladies…

me: so like i was
saying…you’re either confident or you’re not.  there’s no such
thing as "being more confident" cuz once ur thinking "i need to be more
confident"…you’re obviously not.
jonny: yeah, i see what u mean.  that’s good advice.
me: and don’t be
yourself.  it doesn’t sound right, but its so true.  u dont
wanna be urself.  u wanna be your *best* self when u go out.
i mean, u still wanna be u…just the best u.  kinda like an
interview…u wanna B.S. and look all smart but afterwards, we all know
u didn’t do all that crap in ur old job…ur just fudging it a little.
jonny: did u know there’s a big sale at mervyns?  it’s the once-a-year 50% off sale.
me: uhh…ok…that was pretty random…
jonny: wanna go watch brokeback mountain?
me: umm…<silence>…

i think my buddy jonny has ADD (attention deficit disorder)…either
that or he just really wants to watch brokeback mountain…with
me…alone…hmm….