Moo-ha Blog

so i was
talking to ofaelin at work this afternoon and we were talking about
what blog software he should use for his new WoW blog. 

me: so i would say blogger’s pretty good.
ofaelin: uh huh…ok…
me: they have a nice interface and it’s pretty easy to use…if i were to start a WoW blog, i would def….
ofaelin: <suddenly picks up some crumbs off his desk with his finger and
licks it off>
ofaelin: <looks back at me as if nothing
happened>
me: …EW! did u just eat that?!  that’s disgusting!!!
ofaelin: no it’s not.  its just an onion ring crumb.

we started arguing whether eating crumbs off ur desk at work is ok or disgusting.  so i asked maria to be the mediator…

maria: uh…how clean is the desk?
me: dude, look at it!  there’s like post-it’s and stuff…look at the color!
ofaelin: its just some coffee stains.  no big deal…
maria: ok, how long was it there for?
me: an hour or two
ofaelin: no it hasn’t
me: dude, lunch was noon.  it’s almost 2pm.  it’s at least an hour…maybe closer to two.
maria: hmm….maybe if its for like a minute, it might be ok but an hour?  i’m sorry ofaelin…but that’s pretty disgusting.

so there u have it.  picking up onion ring crumbs with ur index finger and licking it off is gross…’nuff said!

so
i was just walking thru the halls at work minding my own business when
all of a sudden, byron walks towards me but gives me this vicious
look.  i’m like WTF?  what did i ever do to u??

so
i stare back
and im all like…oh yea? bring it!  so as we walk closer and closer,
he starts to smile so i smile back.  i’m like…hmm….ok…ur weird.
he’s walking close enough now to say "hey how’s it going ken" and
holds his hands out as if to shake my hand.  so i hold out my hand too
but at the last minute, he makes a fist and does an all-u-can.
luckily, i reacted quickly enough to also do an all-u-can so we
bypassed each other in the air.

jeff stares at us in sheer amazement… as if his head exploded.  he then throws a timely fireball at us.

double-KO!

so
i went to starbucks for my usual coffee break today and there was this
cute girl working the counter.  i noticed she was wearing a jade dragon
charm on her neck so i said "hey, that’s cool.  i have one too but it’s
a rabbit." and she was like "oh wow, my mom got me a rabbit charm too!
so you’re a rabbit too?"  so i said "yeah, my mom got me this charm for
my birthday cuz im a rabbit…" and i show her my jade rabbit charm…

normally,
this would turn into a great conversation starter…but for some
reason, the only thing i could think of was…"OMG, she’s 18?!?!"    dude, she can’t be 30 cuz I’M 30…and she don’t look 30 to me.  dang…am i that old??

anyways, screw this western
astrology crap.  from now on, im just gonna ask people for their
chinese horoscopes…

so yesterday, i drove out to rancho cucamonga to see a prospective
tenant for my new house (i’m renting it out) and i tell you, traffic
was utterly horrible!  i mean, sheesh…6pm, 210 freeway…my
gosh…i pity those people who have to do this commute everyday.
anyways, as i was sitting there in the car being bored outta my mind,
i
turned my head and saw this really hot chic pull up on the lane next to me.
but the thing was, i didn’t
notice so much that she was hot as what she
was doing in the car.  dude, she was picking her nose!  and
it wasn’t just like a shallow swipe…she was diggin’
for gold! (we’re talking pinky-deep here)

anyways, as
disgusting as that was to see, a really troubling question came to mind.  would i date this chic anyways?

HMMmmmmm……that’s a tough one. lemme break this down…

pros:
she’s hot
she’s
probably got money seeing that she drives a mercedes
she’s hot

cons:
picks her nose
she wipes snot on the car seats

probably won’t wash her hands

man, what a dilemma…

hmm…i think my english skills are starting to
suck real bad.  just the other day, i noticed myself talking in
sentences without or’s,  the’s, are’s…etc.  it’s
getting pretty serious…i think its cuz i hang around a lot of people
who are chinese and speak broken english.  but i thought about it more and  i
realized that i think im starting to speak
chinglish.  that’s right, it’s a language all by itself.
since there’s so many chinese people in california, i think its
important to learn how to speak some basic chinglish.

lesson 1:

when u talk chinglish to people on AIM, u have to end all sentences
with an "oh", "lah" (or "loh"), "ah", "bah" or a "ma".  for
example:

michelle.: what are u doing lah?
me: just working on my
xanga site oh…
michelle: wow…add oil add oil loh!

lesson 2:

so yeah, that brings up another thing…chinglish phrases.  u
can’t speak chinglish unless u know how to respond properly to
chinglish phrases like add oil.  add oil is an encouragement…like "let’s go!" or "cheer!"  its kinda like stepping
on the gas petal of your car…u know, like adding "oil" to the engine
so it goes faster.  some people call it "add gas"…but that
just sounds sorta wrong in english (sounds like "passing gas" or something)

there’s also phrases like "aiya" which is like the sound of a "sigh" in
english.  u use it to express frustration or regret.  throw
in a ma or a loh and u got a perfectly chinglish conversation.

me: why did u log off ah?
michelle: aiya, my computer crash again ma…
me: can’t be bah? sorry to hear that loh…

lesson 3:

ok so now that u got the idea of basic phrases, u gotta learn to use
more sophisticated ones.  one time, my sister-in-law told me "dont
small look him loh…".  i kept thinkin…what the heck are u talking bout?
small look??  is she telling me…don’t make eye contact or
i should stop squinting at him?  then i realized small-look means
"underestimate" in chinese when u translate it word for word…so it
actually kinda makes sense in a weird way.

lesson 4:

last but not least…if u wanna carry a conversation in chinglish,
the most important thing to do is to remove all prepositions from your
sentences and add extra "-s’es", "-ed’s" and "-ing’s" whenever possible.  for example:

me: i bringed playstation school
tomorrow.
eric:  i going kicks u butt streetfighter 2.
me: no way bah! i
play game many hour yesterday. i very good.
michelle: add gas! add gas
loh!
me: whats smelled?… ERIC!!?!

ever feel like this on a monday?

  (thx cristi!)

yeah…me too…

my co-worker
brad and i have an online chess game going and i think im winning.  so
brad comes up to me and goes "man, just finish me off.  if you don’t,
i’m gonna resign"  and walks away.  my neighbor debbie hears this and whipsers: "OMG!  brad’s resigning??"   

so i look all sad. "uh…yea, it’s a real shame.  he was doing so well too…"

more phooooo fun…

matt: what’s for lunch today?
me: pho shuuuure!
matt: …oook…?
me: uhh…E.T. pho home ??
matt: umm…don’t get it…
me: i pity the….
matt: fool?
me: no!! it’s pho!! i pity da PHO!

so
matt finally gets it and we head over to the pho restaurant.  and u
*know* its an authentic pho restaurant when it says "appetitiziers" on
the first page of the menu…lunch "speciels" on page 2 and then
"bevereges" on the last page.  ya, da good stuff…

i went to lunch with some co-workers today and we had an interesting conversation about the lottery.

sam:  man, mondays suck.  i don’t wanna work anymore.  i need to win the lottery.
alec: me too…
me:
hmm.  so let me ask you guys.  let’s say the jackpot was $50 million
and a co-worker says "hey, buy me a lottery ticket too" but doesn’t
give u the money. then u find out a few days later that one of them had
the winning numbers…would u give your co-worker $25 mil?
alec: no, definitely not.  technically, it’s still my ticket till he gives me the money.
sam: well, i’d make him give me a buck first.
sam: then i’ll give him the losing ticket.
me: how bout u jo?  would u give ur co-worker $25 mil?
jo: i dont know.  i think i would.
me: uhhh…hey jo, can u buy me a lottery ticket?