Moo-ha Blog

so
i was over at scotty’s desk helping him with something when we hear
complaints coming from raul’s desk.  raul works on the stats and
analyzes ip addresses, browser data, user data, etc.  basically, he’s a
number-cruncher.  so he was all like "man, look at this mess!  none of
this makes any sense.  IP’s all over the place!"  scotty turns to him
and goes "wait, what did u do all over the place…??"

my
co-worker kalia is going to yahoo and her last day is friday.  we had a
weekly meeting today and we were all teasing her.  we’re all like,
yeah…yahoo sucks man, we got everything they got.  we’re better…our
snap jobs is way better than yahoo’s hotjob.  kalia goes "yea, i know snap jobs is awesome.  how do u think i found my job at yahoo?"

doh!

so
tomorrow’s kalia’s last day at work.  she’s nervous about what she
should say when they announce that she’s leaving.  wisely, she came to
me for my expert advice.

kalia: i wonder what i’m gonna say in today’s team meeting
kalia: tom (our boss) might announce my leaving
me: hmm…
me: how bout…"SO LONG SUCKAS!"

so
i found out yesterday that one of my long-time co-workers is leaving.
she’s worked w/ me at various companies for the past 7+ yrs…im gonna
be sad to see her go.  she’s going to yahoo (traitor!) but i wish her
well (not! die yahooligans die!)  jk jk!

on the lighter side, my
brother and sis-in-law got a new baby maltese.  she’s the cutest thing
in the world.  only weighs like 4 lbs and is 8 weeks old.  they take
her out and she’s like a complete babe-magnet.  girls just come up to
them and go "awww so cute!" and ask to pet her and she licks them all
over.  too bad she eats her own poo.  otherwise, i might actually let
her lick me.  it’s kinda ironic that they named their puppy
"candy"…cuz im sure her breath smells something fierce… 

so what does a close co-worker leaving and a dog eating her poo have to do with each other?  well…they both suck crap…

at work, we
use this system called "bugzilla" that handles all the bug tracking in
our software.  so when we fix bugs, we log into this bugzilla thing and
at the top of each page is a "quip".  a quip is like a famous (or
useless) quote that any of my co-workers can add to make bugfixing less
boring.  so here are some quips in our bugzilla system.  i think it
gives u a window into the genius minds of some of the people here at
work…

Yeah, I just stare
at my desk, but it looks like I’m working. I do that for probably
another hour after lunch too, I’d say in a given week I probably only
do about fifteen minutes of real, actual, work.

Well, it’s two o’clock, and that’s quitting time in the research department!

I’ll be honest with
you, I love his music, I do, I’m a Michael Bolton fan. For my money, it
doesn’t get any better than when he sings "When a Man Loves a Woman".

Fate is what you call it when you don’t know the name of the person screwing you over.

Join the Army, Meet interesting people, and Kill Them.

If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can’t see Chuck Norris you may be only seconds away from death.

The quickest way to a man’s heart is with Chuck Norris’s fist.

There are no disabled people. Only people who have met Chuck Norris.

Mr. T was once clocked at 100 fps. That’s 100 fools pitied a second.

Mr. T once got into
a fight with a ninja. He killed the ninja, but only after the ninja had
cut off two of his fingers. Those fingers grew up to be Gary Coleman
and Webster.

ok, the japanese have always been known for their innovation (creating
weird stuff and putting them on the market).  i thought they were
pretty creative w/ the "arm pillow".  some of u might have seen it
but if not, here it is:

anyways, they came out with the "lap pillow" today.  i bet the
lady who modeled her pale legs for this is makin’ bank!

(notice how the guy is trying really hard not to laugh…)

so i showed this to my co-worker and he wants to market the "freddy pillow"…

so what do u think? even comes with its own
lullabye music: "one, two, freddy’s coming for you…three, four, better lock ur
door…five, six, grab your crucifix…seven, eight, gonna stay up
late…nine, ten, never sleep again" …ya, we’re pretty bored…

so i was
talking to ofaelin at work this afternoon and we were talking about
what blog software he should use for his new WoW blog. 

me: so i would say blogger’s pretty good.
ofaelin: uh huh…ok…
me: they have a nice interface and it’s pretty easy to use…if i were to start a WoW blog, i would def….
ofaelin: <suddenly picks up some crumbs off his desk with his finger and
licks it off>
ofaelin: <looks back at me as if nothing
happened>
me: …EW! did u just eat that?!  that’s disgusting!!!
ofaelin: no it’s not.  its just an onion ring crumb.

we started arguing whether eating crumbs off ur desk at work is ok or disgusting.  so i asked maria to be the mediator…

maria: uh…how clean is the desk?
me: dude, look at it!  there’s like post-it’s and stuff…look at the color!
ofaelin: its just some coffee stains.  no big deal…
maria: ok, how long was it there for?
me: an hour or two
ofaelin: no it hasn’t
me: dude, lunch was noon.  it’s almost 2pm.  it’s at least an hour…maybe closer to two.
maria: hmm….maybe if its for like a minute, it might be ok but an hour?  i’m sorry ofaelin…but that’s pretty disgusting.

so there u have it.  picking up onion ring crumbs with ur index finger and licking it off is gross…’nuff said!

so
i was just walking thru the halls at work minding my own business when
all of a sudden, byron walks towards me but gives me this vicious
look.  i’m like WTF?  what did i ever do to u??

so
i stare back
and im all like…oh yea? bring it!  so as we walk closer and closer,
he starts to smile so i smile back.  i’m like…hmm….ok…ur weird.
he’s walking close enough now to say "hey how’s it going ken" and
holds his hands out as if to shake my hand.  so i hold out my hand too
but at the last minute, he makes a fist and does an all-u-can.
luckily, i reacted quickly enough to also do an all-u-can so we
bypassed each other in the air.

jeff stares at us in sheer amazement… as if his head exploded.  he then throws a timely fireball at us.

double-KO!

so
i went to starbucks for my usual coffee break today and there was this
cute girl working the counter.  i noticed she was wearing a jade dragon
charm on her neck so i said "hey, that’s cool.  i have one too but it’s
a rabbit." and she was like "oh wow, my mom got me a rabbit charm too!
so you’re a rabbit too?"  so i said "yeah, my mom got me this charm for
my birthday cuz im a rabbit…" and i show her my jade rabbit charm…

normally,
this would turn into a great conversation starter…but for some
reason, the only thing i could think of was…"OMG, she’s 18?!?!"    dude, she can’t be 30 cuz I’M 30…and she don’t look 30 to me.  dang…am i that old??

anyways, screw this western
astrology crap.  from now on, im just gonna ask people for their
chinese horoscopes…

so yesterday, i drove out to rancho cucamonga to see a prospective
tenant for my new house (i’m renting it out) and i tell you, traffic
was utterly horrible!  i mean, sheesh…6pm, 210 freeway…my
gosh…i pity those people who have to do this commute everyday.
anyways, as i was sitting there in the car being bored outta my mind,
i
turned my head and saw this really hot chic pull up on the lane next to me.
but the thing was, i didn’t
notice so much that she was hot as what she
was doing in the car.  dude, she was picking her nose!  and
it wasn’t just like a shallow swipe…she was diggin’
for gold! (we’re talking pinky-deep here)

anyways, as
disgusting as that was to see, a really troubling question came to mind.  would i date this chic anyways?

HMMmmmmm……that’s a tough one. lemme break this down…

pros:
she’s hot
she’s
probably got money seeing that she drives a mercedes
she’s hot

cons:
picks her nose
she wipes snot on the car seats

probably won’t wash her hands

man, what a dilemma…